“My Next Life”

        MY NEXT LIFE
 
George Carlin (1937-2008) 

I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way. 

Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. 

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. 
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. 

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.  You work for 40 years untill you’re too young to work. 

You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you’re generally promiscuous. 

Then you go to primary school, become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. 

Then you become a baby, and then… you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in Spa-like conditions – Central heating, room service on tap, and then… 

You finish off as an orgasm.