MY NEXT LIFE
George Carlin (1937-2008)
I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work for 40 years untill you’re too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you’re generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then… you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in Spa-like conditions – Central heating, room service on tap, and then…
You finish off as an orgasm.
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